Everyday struggles of being an introvert. I’m not the smiling type when people greet me. Yeah, I smile back. A lot of people think I’m mad when I’m not. I try to let people know I have a bad ear, so it’s hard for me to hear and understand what was said. I feel like I have to tell people that I’m joking when I’m joking so they don’t take it wrong. Something about my tone and not smiling. My everyday face is not a smiling one, but it doesn’t mean I’m not happy.

If there’s something I can change in myself and I agree with it, then I’ll do my best to work on changing it. I’ve made changes within myself that I didn’t like that I got from my father’s side of the family. It’s constant work so that I don’t fall back into it. A once in a great blue moon incident happens, but I apologize and try not to let it happen again.

I try to help where I can, when I can. It doesn’t matter who or what it is. If I have down time, I’ll help someone. Even depending on what I’m doing, I’ve stopped to help someone. A co-worker from a different shift told me multiple times, “You’re the only person I’ve seen in twenty minutes. Thanks for helping. Your crew didn’t come this way once.” I’d rather help someone than watch them struggle. Besides, I feel it’s the right thing to do.

It’s hard for me to be a part of a team. It feels odd for me to say that because I think I’m doing great, being helpful, working hard and communicating to all others. Others on the team think I’m mad or something is wrong because I’m not smiling or socializing which leads to basically excluding me from the team. I’m not the chatty social butterfly and that should be okay. I don’t mind visiting, don’t get me wrong. But I do it during down time, if nothing else needs done. I like being prepared. Later on I don’t want to find myself needing something that I could have done before.

I keep finding myself say I must have too high of expectations of people. I said that the other day when talking about my day when my husband’s response was “You have military expectations.” Oh! He’s right! Never heard that before, never thought about it. But that’s it exactly. A lot of the citizens only do what they need to to just get by. Military members are trained to go above and beyond, learn the person’s job that’s above you because you might find yourself in that spot when that person get’s KIA’d. Military members have to do more than one job at a time. Military trains for war, so the expectations are real high. No matter what I’ve tried, how I’ve tried, I can’t seem to bring down the expectations I have of others, especially co-workers. Don’t get me wrong! There are citizens that will work their tail-ends off like no other. But from my experience, who I’ve worked with and seen, they are few and far between.

Updated 31 December 2023:

Blessed with RBF (Resting Bitch Face). RBF, I think, helps keep the stupid/lazy away. As people enter my life, only a few actually take the time to really get to know me.

USPS, being a mail carrier suits me. Most of the day, I’m by myself, almost perfect for an introvert. Free exercise with all of the walking that’s required.