At the great age of 16, my bestie and I met two boys cruising around our town, Robert and Jeremy. Little did I know at the time she liked Jeremy. I ended up with him instead. A blessing in disquise of sorts perhaps. I like to think I went through the black hole (hell) so she didn’t have to. She wasn’t allowed to go out on dates so her and Robert got to know each other at her house. I was allowed for the most part to go out.
To make a long story a bit shorter, skipping the boring parts, my mom and I was always fighting (mainly me rebeling I’m sure). I’m not sure how Jeremy knew my class mate Amy but anywho, we ended up at her house. Amy told me that at the age of 17 one can legally move out and their parents can’t do anything, can’t call the cops. That right there screamed freedom to me. So, that’s what I did after acquiring a bed for a few nights so Jeremy and I could get our own place or move in with his parents. We moved in with his parents.
There’s things he made me do that I’m still uncomfortable putting out there to the masses. But I will share that he made me try crack, pot and crank.
The physical abuse didn’t start until our honeymoon. It was like a light switch being turned on. Boom! Instant jealous of all men, he was. He’d be driving and I’m looking out the passenger window looking at the scenery and bang, a solid punch to the cheek, head hitting the window. He wanted to know if that guy I was starring at was hot enough for me. I didn’t even notice any person. He came home from work one day and locked our bedroom door and started in on me. Punches to my face, stomach, kneeing me in the crouch, and more punches as if it wasn’t enough while he’s yelling at me that I lied to him about being a virgin. His mother heard the commotion and tried getting into our room to stop him. I had three jobs at that time. I had to wear turtlenecks, long sleeve shirts to work to hide the bruises. I was told to lie, to tell people I fell down our front steps. But people still asked because you can’t hide the ones on your face, can’t hide a broken nose. One time I ended up in the E.R. and the nurse asked me what happened, if I have been abused. I felt like I had to lie so I lied. I don’t think she believed me, but what could she do? Nothing. I felt like if I didn’t lie I would get it even worse when I got home. I felt like I couldn’t leave him, that I had no family or friends that I could turn to.
The mental abuse started with the physical abuse. I constantly heard I didn’t have common sense, I was only book smart. I was stupid. I was good for nothing and that’s why my family don’t want me anymore. That he was the only one that wanted me.
He isolated me from my family and friends. I didn’t see it at first, but now can’t unsee it. I didn’t know I was being mentally and physically abused until it was too late, he already had his claws in deep.
One time, I was laying in bed on my back and he was sitting on top of me. He had a big knife, like a dagger, and stapped the mattress right next to my side and dragged it in a downward motion. And then he did the same thing to the right side. He then grabbed my left wrist and slit it downwards about an inch long purposly missing the vein. I know it had to be, he was after all smart. He knew what he was doing.
One time, one of his friends was with him when he decided to stop by our house real fast for something he forgot. Something triggered him and he started in on my face with punches. His friend could see in the big bay window and came to my rescue and pulled him off me. After that, I never seen that friend anymore.
I remember it being sometime in August ’92 because he came up to my work to show off the brand new Chevy S10 he got for us, somehow in both our names. The next month he came home with a brand new Tracker with a soft top. Then in November, a Ford truck. All of these in our names, brand new, can’t afford the insurance on one of these let alone all three.
Sometime in December ’92, I was allowed to go out with two female co-workers. We went to Cassville to a hang out spot. The two co-workers started chatting up a couple of guys, one for each of them. It came time, we headed home. I thought he was at work, his vehicle wasn’t home. I walk in, first in the kitchen, house is dark, then coming into the front room. Hallway is directly to the left and out of nowhere there’s Jeremy pushing me to the loveseat with a daranger pistol in his hand pointed to my head yelling and screaming at me “Was he good? You cheated on me didn’t you? What’s his name?” He’s also yelling “It’s not loaded. Don’t worry.” During that time, I seen my life flash in front of my eyes, all of the happy moments throughout time. As he yelling these things to me, he started, I guess calming down, because he moved off of me and sat on the couch that was next to the loveseat. As he was moving to the couch, I watched him take a bullet out of the chamber. He then turned very apologetic wanting to make up and make up in bed. As much as it made my skin crawl, I went through with it. I woke up the next morning and left with only the work uniform on my back, the Chevy S10 and never looked back. When I got to work I called my mom’s dad and asked if I could live with him and Granny. He said sure. I told him it might get hairy. He said, “Come on, we’ll keep you safe.”
Luckily, I was a manager at Sonic at that time and could for the most part stay inside and the carhops kept an eye out for him. He showed up multiple times with a pistol in the passenger seat. He always wanted to talk to me. He wanted to make up for what he done. He even offered to get rid of all of his guns, which he had a lot of. After twenty plus times of him showing up, I got the guts up to go out the the stall and talk with him. He wanted me back. I said no. He told me if he can’t have me then noone will. He showed up at Granny and Papa’s house once. Papa answered the door with his gun and told Jeremy he’s not welcome here and better leave. He left. During this whole time, Jeremy would try to run my friends from work off the road. One of Jeremy and I’s friend called my work needing me to come by his house when I got the chance. I did. Donald’s grandmother answered the door and told me which direction his room was in. Donald told me that I need to watch my back because Jeremy offered him $10k to kill me, $1k upfront and the rest once the life insurance paid off. He offered to go to the cops with me to file a report about this. I’m guessing Jeremy expected this because when the cops showed up and raided his apartment, he was gone along with all of his guns. The cops finally told me weeks after attempting to capture him to bring him for quesitoning that he keeps giving them the slip and they have to move on to other cases.
While I was living with them, I quit Sonic and went to work at Tyson’s. I worked the night shift. I started dating a guy named Chase. He would sometimes borrow my truck when he’d get off work early, but he would always be there to get me when I got off work. One morning, Chase wasn’t there and neither was my truck. I looked through both parking lots. I called him at home. He said he rode home with friends and he didn’t have it. I started walking towards Schreibers, where my mom worked. I ended up catching a co-worker of hers and he gave me a ride home. Later mom took me to the police station to report it stolen. The police started interrogating me like I stole it, or I stole it for the insurance money. I responded, “What insurance? Hell! Couldn’t afford it!” Needless to say, I left crying so upset with how they treated me.
It took me about six months to save up the money to file for divorce with an attorney. After it was filed and he was served (he was served while sitting in jail, by the way) my bestie and her cousin moved me into hiding. I was in hiding for six months. During those six months I had to go to court over my truck and to finalize my divorce. Did you know there’s no consequences with taking a vehicle that’s partly yours and burning it? I learned that that day in court. I begged to not have to testify in front of him. I offered to video it or testify from another room, just as long as I didn’t have to see him. When leaving court that day we headed straight for Aurora, the town I lived in prior to hiding. Hoping to lead him there if he’s following to find out where I’ve moved. I stayed a couple of days there before heading to my hiding home. The month of October ’93 my divorce was finalized. Yay!
While going through all of that I asked, “Why me?” a million times. I can now see why. I finally have an answer. It’s because I had low self-esteem. How can one not, when one has some family constantly breaking them down. Low self-esteem people make perfect targets for preditors. I was a perfect target for Jeremy.
I found myself being sucked into the black hole but fought my way out and lived to tell about it. Maybe I was always strong, but I became stronger than I was.